Word Association

My husband shared an amazing tool from his acting training with me. It was a gift that used to be a sleep aid. We'd lie in bed and I'd ask him to do word association. It helps that his voice is gently deep and soothing. But his skill in word association is surely one that came from practice and is consistent with his ample vocabulary.
He has no idea what a value he is to my writing. His acting training is something I often wonder if I should add to my skillset, not because I want to be an actor, but because he helps add great depth to my characters and can envision my stories with attuned clarity. I often imagine that he pictures them as movies, plays or he becomes each character as though he had to portray them rather than just reading them.
So today, this New Years Eve, as he is on a bus in the middle of South Dakota, nearing Wyoming, I dedicate this word association to him, even as I know he is finding characters and events on his journey to share with me for my stories.
New Year
January
baby
third
Kaya
(if only you could see me pause... you would know his skill is much better than mine as his flow is continuous)
break
arm
cast
castaway
island
Lost
favorite
show
tv
couch
popcorn
homemade
movies
giftcard
birthday
February
valentine
love
parking lot
necklace
Bellagio
fountains
truth
sharing
garden
faberge
museum
red rock
overlook
wedding
rock
flowers
Ray
picnic
grapes
Cost Plus
peach
sparkling
cheese
Ojai
b&b
cops
hammock
.........

(the rest is babies, family and history...)

Here is to 2010. Our new future. Our new life. Hope. Dreams. Fulfilled. Seeking. Achieving.
Here's to you. Faith. belief. encouragement. excitement. pride.

Giving from the Heart

Yea, it's Christmas time, and it probably sparked my thoughts, but it really isn't what this is about. It's about everyday life and our motivation for everything we do.

Do you do what you should? at work, for your family....
Do you do what is expected of you? what your husband expects, kids expect....
Do you do it because someone asked you to?
Because you feel like you have to?

Learning to say no has been nearly impossible for me, so this is not preching or judging... believe me!

You can give from the heart, with everyday things, you don't have to be "gifting"

When you feed your family, cook dinner, clean up the kitchen... - are you doing it because you have to, are you resentful that no one else is doing it, leaving you to take care of stuff you hate

What are my expectations? Do I expect you to appreciate it, am I doing it for something in return. Appreciation is - something in return...

You're not only lessening the "gift" by expecting something in return, but you are also ruining it for yourself, and creating a host of difficulties in your relationships.

Have you ever been on the receiving end of something not given from the heart? It feels terrible
The people I love, their value does not reside in what they give to me, or do for me. And in fact quite the opposite. The more they do for me when they do for themselves. You see, if you don't give to yourself, you aren't whole to give to others. Putting yourself last, makes others feel guilty. Even if you think you do it happily. There is no happiness in not taking care of your own needs.

Maybe we can change our vocabulary... First to include the word NO
Then to change our SHOULDS and HAVE TOS into WANTS and GLAD TOS.

I want to feed my family because I enjoy it. (even when they don't appreciate it)
I'm glad to do that for you because it fulfills me. (not because you'll owe me later)
I want to work because I enjoy having nice things.
I want to do a good job because I like my work. (not because I want a raise)

Life has disappointments. No need to create more by giving falsely.

Happy Holidays

Self-Righteousness

It is so easy to be self-righteous

I'm not doing the dishes, I did them last time... and let them sit
I'm not bringing it up again, I've told her already... and let it fester
I'm not going to give in, you have to do what I say... and let it escalate

who are you hurting?
Yourself or them...
You're hurting already, what are you really feeling
Sad, and neglected
Angry, and ignored, unappreciated
Frustrated and disrespected

Can you do the dishes FOR YOU because you like a clean home
Can you take responsibility
Can you acknowledge your feelings and let them pass
or should someone else fix the pain?
Can you be the adult and end the circle, the back and forth
Concede and meet your own needs

Guilty as charged
Eyes getting wider, noticing it sooner
Doing what's right... for me
Regardless